


We Are But Dust and Shadows

by blottedink



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Aro thinks he's romantic, Bella Swan Is In The Volturi, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Dubious Ethics, Dubious Morality, Enemies to Lovers, Extremely Dubious Consent, F/M, Latin pet names, Mistress, Oblivious Bella Swan, Outdated Customs, Sanity Issues, Scary Aro Volturi, Stockholm Syndrome, Vampire Bella Swan, but it's just scary, courtesan - Freeform, turn or die
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:28:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23269957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blottedink/pseuds/blottedink
Summary: "After one hundred years among true vampires, if she still wishes to rejoin you, then I will not stop her." And other lies Aro tells while Bella struggles to remain out of sight and out of mind. Unfortunately, a 3000 year old megalomaniac isn't interested in hearing 'no'.
Relationships: Aro/Bella Swan
Comments: 69
Kudos: 150





	1. Maeror

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing Twilight fanfiction and this demented idea wouldn't stop rolling around my head, so might as well make the best of quarantine. I really enjoy Aro being completely crazy and I've always seen Bella as an awkward teenager with more personality than the books were able to give her. Thank you! Stay safe everyone!

Chapter One

It could be worse.

It really could.

Everyone could be dead.

Well, technically, I suppose we were, but we could be more dead. Irrevocably dead.

This was better.

I supposed anyway. Leaning against one of the olive trees in the courtyard, I stared up at the moon, a sardonic crescent in the sky.

I used to blame Edward.

If he hadn’t broken up with me. If he hadn’t overreacted. If he hadn’t lied. If he hadn’t attracted their attention.

Then I blamed myself.

If I hadn’t decided at seventeen that forever was what I wanted.

If I hadn’t completely shut down.

If I hadn’t jumped.

If he hadn’t gone to Italy...if I hadn’t gone to Italy.

Maybe things would be different.

Six years later, I was more circumspect.

It wasn’t anybody’s fault. Or maybe it was everyone’s. Either way, I couldn’t change what was.

The courtyard was surprisingly quiet. It was late autumn, the trees nearly bare and the crackle of evening frost harsh on the ground. If I closed my eyes, I could hear the rustle of cloaks on the stone in the castle. It was much quieter than usual.

Masters.

It still felt bizarre to think about.

I had a Master. Three technically, but Marcus was all but a vegetable and Caius, thankfully, ignored me for the most part. Aro, on the other hand…

I blew out a breath I didn’t need, almost wishing for the cloud from when I was human. Something to make me feel real. A breeze that would have sent me yelping and ducking into the recesses of my coat as a human ruffled my hair and tugged mockingly at the fabric of the blouse I wore as part of my uniform. My cloak was draped over a branch above me. I didn’t like to wear it all the time. It still felt wrong.

I also worried about the hem that brushed the floor, despite that fact that my tripping days were long over, as was the evidence of them.

My scars were all gone.

The mark on my temple from where I fell against the corner of a bookshelf in sixth grade.

The notch on my chin from falling off my bicycle when I was six.

The white line on my left index finger from getting a fishing hook stuck in my knuckle during the summer Charlie tried to teach me to fish.

Even the scars from where I broke my leg seven years ago and all of the small featherlight scars from the broken glass of the mirror in Arizona.

They hadn’t faded, they just disappeared, leaving behind smooth, marble perfection.

Except for the small crescent scar on my wrist.

It no longer gleamed against my human skin, instead it was just a raised line, a difference in texture under my fingers as the thumb of my other hand rubbed back and forth over it.

It helped sometimes. It felt grounding. Helping me remember that this wasn’t all I was. That I had been someone else once.

The wind changed, blowing across my face. I smelled power, old blood, and something more sinister, like the chill of walking alone in the dark.

I didn’t have time to grab my cloak, he was too close.

“Signore.” ‘Master’ not mister. Never directly by their names. My mangled Italian was marginally improving, but it still sounded vaguely Spanish, not lilting the way it should. I supposed it would improve with practice.

“Isabella.” He glided forward and I bowed slightly, hand over my heart. It was a traditional greeting for nobility that had fallen out of practice more than three hundred years ago, but still enforced among the Guard.

Not that I was a Guard. I didn’t seem to have much of a purpose, really.

“Do you enjoy the courtyard?” His voice was soft, the English accented, flavored with something older than Italian. His own cloak whispered over the stones of the pathway, his hands clasped together while his cold, perfect face masked with polite interest. As though he really cared about my answer.

I started to nod, then corrected myself. “Yes, Signore.”

Not completely true, but easier than explaining why I wasn’t inside.

“You spend a great deal of time alone.” There was a note of reproach in his voice, I'd heard a similar tone from Renee years ago when I wasn't making as many friends in Phoenix as she'd hoped.

I didn’t say anything, was there anything to say? It was true, I spent the majority of my time alone when I wasn’t required to be with the others. I wasn’t a Guard, but I had to learn basic self-defense, and Italian. And I fed with the Guard; I flinched at the reminder that triggered a soft burning in my throat.

“Are you regretting your decision to join us?”

The hair on the back of my neck prickled. Nervous, I cleared my throat. “No, Signore.”

I couldn’t really. They were going to kill us all, my parents, the Cullens, me. This was the only choice I really had.

He hummed slightly like he didn’t believe me and stepped, almost gliding, forward. I could see the toes of his expensive Italian shoes. I didn’t look up. “Are you pining then?”

“Pining?” I spoke before thinking, then hurriedly finished “-Signore.”

“Look at me, Isabella.” I reluctantly raised my gaze, trying hard not to tremble. He made a quiet considering noise in his throat, almost like a purr, looking down at me with dark red eyes older than I could ever contemplate being. “Yes, do you miss the Cullens?”

I shook my head. I didn’t want him to think about the Cullens. I didn’t want to think about the Cullens. I couldn’t. Not after what I’d become. I wouldn’t be able to look Carlisle in the face. “No, Signore.”

Pursing his lips, he tilted his head politely. As though this were a normal conversation and he wasn't completely psychotic. And fully capable of killing me, the Cullens, or anyone else he so chose. “Is it your human family then? Your parents? Do you have siblings?”

His eyes almost glowed with greedy curiosity. Nothing about him seemed remotely human. I was still prey even among monsters it seemed.

I shook my head harder. “No, no. I’m an only child.”

Poor Charlie. The Cullens had to convince my dad that I’d died in an accident.

My eyes burned, but I couldn’t cry; a mixed blessing.

“Come now, _noctula_. There must be some reason for this melancholy. Is it homesickness? Do you miss the Americas?”

What was his fascination? I was a lackluster human and a lackluster vampire. My gift was a disappointment, I could only protect myself and that was an unconscious defense. Was he regretting his investment?

A sick feeling filled my stomach. Was he going to send me to the Cullens and renege on the deal? Take Alice instead? Or Jasper?

I scrambled trying to think of something, anything to distract him. “Um--chocolate.”

My idiocy reverberated in the courtyard around us. Not only had I spoken louder than I intended, but it was literally the one aspect of human life, I'd never missed. I missed salt more than sugar, really. Lamenting french fries was never something I'd imagined myself doing, but neither was having a conversation with a millennia old walking nightmare.

“...Chocolate?”

Relieved that he hadn't immediately called my bluff, I dug through my memories for anything surrounding chocolate; he sounded slightly confused. I kept going; if I was going to dig this hole of lies, it needed to be deep enough to bury myself. “I-when I was a kid, we used to live in the desert. Out in Arizona. On nights that were cool like this, we--Renee and I-- used to sit outside with cups of hot chocolate.”

Technically true, but it was only the once and Renee had made what she called Mexican hot chocolate, I remember it being slightly sweet and spicy. I’m pretty sure Renee laced hers with something because after her first cup, she nearly fell off the porch trying to ‘touch the stars’, but hopefully he’d buy it.

Aro slowly nodded, his dark hair falling like silk over his shoulder. “I walked this earth for a thousand years before ever hearing of ‘cacao’ and another fifteen hundred before ever hearing of ‘chocolate’. Yet you are not the first vampire I have heard lament its loss.”

I nodded quietly, but I had no answer for that. What could I say? The staggering weight of his age was paralyzing.

“I was under the impression that chocolate was consumed in solid form. What is ‘hot chocolate’?”

I stared at him. Was he really asking? Why did he seek me out? Did he know I was lying?

I didn’t speak, just swallowed hard and trying to ignore the way he watched my throat as he waited, unblinking for my answer. Nothing about him was comforting or even vaguely reminiscent of human. The predator in him had consumed all else.

I crossed my arms over my belly, a habit left over from being an awkward human. Luckily, nerves couldn’t make me vomit anymore. “Um, it’s a drink. You take powdered chocolate and add either hot water or milk. Sometimes you can add other spices, like cinnamon or nutmeg, or vanilla. Some recipes even have alcohol like brandy.”

I could dimly hear a voice in the back of my head screaming at me to shut up. Aro just watched me placidly as I started to get carried away. Word vomit followed me into vampirism apparently. “My Grandma Swan always made the best hot chocolate, though. She would take vanilla ice cream,” my hand mimed taking a scoop and putting it into an imaginary mug; I could almost feel the enamel, stamped with ‘best grandkid’ beneath my chubby little girl fingers, “and then add just a little bit of water and put it in the microwave. Then she would stir in two packets of hot chocolate and cover the top with marshmallows and-”

I stopped, thinking about the quiet evenings as a kid when I couldn’t sleep and my tirelessly patient grandma would get up and fix us hot chocolate and turn on late night reruns of 'I Love Lucy' until I fell asleep on the sofa, a ring of hot chocolate around my mouth. I blinked and dropped my head, my hair falling forward to shield my face from the ancient vampire watching me with curiosity. I shuffled and wrapped my arms around my belly again. Not for the first time, I wished my gift had a physical instead of a psychic application. I wanted to be invisible.

He was staring at me again, one dark eyebrow raised. It was the same stare from when I was human. Like he wasn't exactly sure what to make of me. His eyes trailed over my face, down to my arms. "You were close with your grandmother?"

"Yeah, I just. Sorry, I guess I got carried away. I can't believe I remembered all that." I hadn't thought about Grandma Swan in years, but once I remembered the taste of hot chocolate, everything else came through in a rush.

Aro chuckled and reached out, his fingers brushed against my hair, pushing it behind my ear. "It happens, young one. Enjoy your memories, for some, they are all they have."

Was that his attempt at empathy, or was he warning me?

Were memories going to be all he left me with, if I continued to mope?

I tensed further as his hand brushed the sensitive point under my ear before pulling away. His eyes flashed, he looked hungry. Could vampires eat other vampires? Or was he remembering the taste of my human blood?

He brought his eyes back to mine and smiled in what he must consider a kind, fatherly way. Like the way he smiled at Jane. It didn't reach his calculating eyes. “There is court tomorrow. You will attend.”

“Yes, Signore.” It was the only answer.

A smirk crossed his lips as he looked over my shoulder. “I expect you to be dressed properly, in your cloak.”

“Yes, Signore.” At least he seemed to be amused, one long, elegant hand reached out and I barely managed not to flinch.

The branch rustled as he pulled my cloak free and draped it around my shoulders. His fingers lingered just a moment at the clasp at my throat before he released me and stepped back.“Although you can no longer catch a chill, too much night air isn’t good for young ladies. Retire now.”

“Yes Signore.” I bowed again and fled the garden, not even trying to keep a human pace.

I ended up in the library and folded myself into an armchair. I didn’t read, just looked out the window watching the moon move across the sky.

It could be worse.


	2. Exsomnis: Wakeful/Vigilant

I watched the sun rise, slowly purging the lingering mist and moonlight out of the courtyard. The red and orange faded into the pale, weak yellow of late autumn sunlight. I held out a hand and watched the sun reflect off of it, highlighting the millions of facets in my skin. A murky memory of a rock collection cluttering the window sill in my mother’s house swam behind my eyes. I guess things had a funny way of coming full circle; my skin was now hard as a rock and I was part of a collection. 

I shook my head and tucked my hand back under my cloak before I left the library for the main reception chamber. Or throne room. Whatever it was called. I knew it had an official name, but it always reminded me of the Great Hall from the Harry Potter books. All it was missing was the changing ceiling and long tables. We even took our meals there. 

I’d arrived early and waited just outside until other members started filing in to lose myself amid the crowd. Despite the fact that no one slept, the court never met before 10am. I stood towards the back, in the middle of one of the rows in between Marcel and Elliot. They were both younger vampires like me. Marcel was turned in the sixties, Elliot barely fifteen years ago in the nineties. We weren’t friends, but there was camaraderie in being all from the same century. 

The Masters entered last, flanked by their Inner Guards. A trick of the light made it seem as though Aro met my eyes before he ascended the dais to his throne. 

Once settled, Aro clapped his hands once, calling Court to order. “Let them approach.” 

The doors at the end of the hallway swung open and two vampires strode in towards the thrones.

One looked barely my age, his thick red hair swept back from a high forehead. He carried himself with a surprising amount of confidence for where he was. Maybe some people looked forward to meeting the Volturi. Or perhaps he’d been here before. He could also be stupid. It was hard to tell. 

The other was an older vampire, faint lines around his eyes and mouth marking a life well lived before immortality. His hair was dark, slightly streaked with gray at the temples. His lips were tight with nerves and I could see a slight stiffness in his movements.

He was afraid. 

That was a more sensible reaction. 

I no longer had to worry about my limbs falling asleep or cramping, but the urge to fidget and shift my weight was a hard habit to break. It was only the fear of attracting attention that kept me still. 

I tried to focus on what was happening before me, but I didn’t speak...was it German, Polish, Russian? 

It was something rough, almost guttural, far beyond my timid grasp of Italian and my distant high school Spanish. The redhead was speaking in an echoing voice, gesturing animatedly to the dark headed vampire. Must be a dispute of some sort. Aro’s expression looked politely interested, but I’d watched him rip someone’s head off with that exact expression on his face, so who knew. 

I saw Jane standing with her brother Alec, the ‘witch twins,’ they were called. Chelsea was behind them, and Renata was near Aro’s throne, she was one of his favorites. 

Caius sneered at while he listened, though I was starting to feel like that was just how he normally looked. Marcus was always vacant looking, even when he walked, he almost glided, like a dementor out of Harry Potter.

Aro was always the most animated. With his gift, he was judge, jury, and sometimes executioner, though from what I’d seen, he was more likely to leave that to a guard member. 

He was wearing his robes today, held in place by a gold Volturi crest. 

A heavy ruby signet ring was on one hand, but rather than gaudy, it looked commanding. His fingers, steepled beneath his chin, looked both strong and elegant. He resembled a macabre version of Mr. Burns from the Simpsons. The insane urge to giggle bubbled up in my chest and I sank my teeth into my tongue, struggling to keep my face blank. 

I felt Elliot glance at me, but kept my gaze forward, ostentatiously concentrating on the conversation I couldn’t understand. 

I felt like I was losing my mind.

Why was I here? I wasn’t a member of the guard. I wasn’t powerful, or useful, or even a guest. 

I was here for purely...well, there didn’t seem to be a reason. It was obvious that Aro intended to use my potential gift, but after my turning, I was still only able to use it unconsciously; I didn’t gain control over my ability to shield. 

Being unable to control my gift in a coven of powerful vampires was an odd sensation. It was hard to describe, but it felt like a cross between being underdressed at a party, and that feeling of disappointing your parents with a bad report card. 

C minus in immortal appearance, D plus in combat, B minus in feeding, F in gift utility. 

While I was a straight A student as a human (for the most part), I was barely mediocre as a vampire. I’d always struggled to meet people’s expectations as a clumsy teenager. Now, I just wanted to be beneath notice as an equally graceless vampire. 

My only consolation was that my time here was temporary. It was supposed to be one hundred years and then I was free to go. 

‘One hundred years among true vampires and then she is free to rejoin you, should she wish.’

Aro had stroked my hair again when he gave his ultimatum, his voice nearly drowned out by Edward’s desperate snarls. I wondered if my ‘Master’ regretted his poor investment. 

I realized I was staring at Aro and quickly looked back at the floor. 

I was ready for this to be over. 

Aro listened as the red head finished before turning to the older vampire and motioning for him to begin his testimony. 

I was surprised when I realized that Aro didn’t use his gift as much as I thought. After what Edward told me about Aro being paranoid and power hungry, I was expecting him to be eager to absorb any potential information that he didn’t know. 

Instead, Aro was almost standoffish with strangers. More open with the Guard, but he rarely touched outsiders. Unless he suspected them of lying. 

Eventually, I zoned out. I started to count the stones in the wall. It was much quicker, my vampire brain didn’t lose count and my newly improved eyes wouldn’t lose their place. One thousand, six hundred and forty two panels made up the longer wall, but wait, how many were in the shorter wall? I shifted my eyes over the wall behind the Volturi leaders.  _ One, two, three, four…. _

Eight hundred twenty-seven. This room was enormous. 

I started to work up my nerve to multiply those two together, then decided it was just easier to add the number in my head repeatedly. It was faster. 

Alright eight twenty-seven and eight twenty-seven was sixteen hundred and fifty-four, but wait, what about the floor? 

I dropped my gaze to the floor panels, I had to guess at how many were under our feet. 

I added all the stones together, then tried to guess how long they’d been there. Then, I started looking at the other vampires, my periphery was limited since I couldn’t move my head without attracting attention. 

I couldn’t not believe how many there were, for some reason. There had to be fifty here at least, not including the guard that was not present. 

The older vampire, er, the older  _ appearing _ vampire spoke softly, hands clasped respectfully behind his back. It looked almost military, or maybe old world gentlemen? In a way, he sort of reminded me of Captain Wentworth from  _ Persuasion _ . Or perhaps, due to his laugh lines, Colonel Fitzwilliam? 

I’d always liked Colonel Fitwilliam’s character; I hoped nothing happened to this guy. 

Aro eventually sided with the Colonel (what I decided to call him) and the red headed vampire’s protest was quieted by a slight smirk from Jane. Aro declared Court adjourned and the Masters left, first to leave, last to enter. Always with ceremony. 

I followed the others, filing out of the room in a sea of black and red, hopefully unable to be singled out. 

I started to head towards the garden, but Alec made his way towards the olive tree I sat under last night and leaned against the trunk, cell phone in hand. 

There went that idea. 

I wandered the halls for a while, trying to stay out of the way. 

I knew I was a coward, but I didn’t know another way to be. 

Not and survive anyway. Jane was waiting for my shield to slip one day. I’d never spoken to Renata. Chelsea considered me a threat to her position since her gift didn’t affect me. 

Felix had no use for me since I wasn’t allowed to spar with the rest of the guard. I wasn’t sure why, but I only sparred once and a lucky hit from the larger vampire had slammed me into the marble hard enough to crack both the stone and my face. (Apparently being a vampire didn’t make you immune to pain, though healing was almost instantaneous unless a limb was ripped off or a chunk was missing). There was no lasting damage done, but apparently Felix was reprimanded and I was subsequently barred from the sparring arena. 

A few weeks later, Demitri challenged me to a harrowing game of ‘Hide and Seek’, since he couldn’t track me with my shield up, but considered me such a lack of challenge in every other area, he’d lost interest too. 

I ended up back in the library. It was thankfully, empty. 

I folded myself into the familiar arm chair, this time with a book older than I was, the pages yellowed with age and delicate beneath my fingers. 

It was  _ Jane Eyre _ , what felt like an original copy, but I wasn’t reading, just turning the pages more than anything else. 

I felt...not bored, exactly, but empty. Like I was lacking purpose. 

I didn’t move when the door opened, remaining slumped in my arm chair, not like imperfect posture could damage my spine anymore. 

“Not in the garden tonight?”   
I jumped to my feet, nearly dropping the book onto the floor, catching it at the last second and putting it onto the small table. “Signore.”

Why was he here? Once was a coincidence, but two nights in a row? What did he want? 

“I did not see you in the courtyard.”

I didn’t know what to say other than ‘You told me to stay out of the night air?’ “I’m sorry, Signore.”

He stared at me for a moment, then lowered his eyes to the book on the table. “I understood that you preferred  _ Wuthering Heights _ as your favorite book by the Bronte sisters.”

I almost asked how he knew, then realized that he must’ve learned it from Edward. 

“It is. Um, I mean, it was. I haven’t read  _ Jane Eyre  _ in a while, though, so….” I trailed off, feeling stupid. It was remarkable how unused to talking I’d become. I didn’t answer my voice unless asked a direct question. Aro bothering me in the last two days was more than I’d spoken in the last two weeks. 

Aro nodded as though I weren’t just rambling and stepped towards the window. In the moonlight, he glowed like a marble statue. That’s sort of what he looked like. He was pale like marble, but the pallor didn’t match his features. His shock of thick dark hair, was a waterfall of silk down his back, blending in with the dark material of his suit. He’d shed his court robes, though he still wore his crest. “You are very solitary, Isabella.”

I nodded, I wasn’t sure how to respond to that. I used to think being a vampire would make me less awkward. 

Shame on me, really. 

His eyes glittered like garnets as he stared down into my face, searching. 

_ Please leave me alone. _

There was no way, with the world that they controlled and the number of much more powerful vampires in the castle, that I was this interesting. 

He was up to something.

Was I outliving my usefulness? I knew my gift was a disappointment, but would he execute me for it? 

It was probably flattering. I’d seen executions before, but it was usually Jane or Alec, or Felix, once. I’d watched the large vampire tear a ‘traitor’ into pieces. It was somehow more and less grisly, since vampires didn’t bleed, but neither did they lose consciousness. Teeth just snapped impotently while eyes rolled. 

Would it be quick?

“Where do your thoughts lie,  _ Isabella _ ?”

Something smooth brushed against the back of my hand and I flinched back, lips drawn back in an instinctive hiss before my brain caught up.

I just hissed. At my Master.

I raised out of a crouch I didn’t remember moving into, then thought better of it and bowed. “F-forgive me, Signore! I didn’t mean to-” 

“Hush, Isabella. You are not the first to hiss at me, and will not be the last. Rise now.”

I stood, but kept my eyes on the ground. The screams of the last vampire to hiss at him, ringing in my ears. 

It was another court hearing, this time, instead of being cowed by Jane, the offending vampire had hissed and snarled at the throne. Aro never lost the smile on his face as he ordered Felix to rip out the vampire’s tongue.

As if reading my thoughts, Aro clicked his tongue softly. “I know the difference between fear and temper.” 

One long finger brushed under my jaw lifting my head until I was looking at him. “My question still stands. Where did your mind wander? ”He smirked slightly, the expression almost fond. “Pining after hot chocolate again?”

“I um, I was,” I kept pulling a blank. I didn’t know what to say, still in disbelief that my body was intact. 

He didn’t shush me, just watched me until I fell silent. I wanted to fidget. “You are quite nervous, am I so frightening?”

I didn’t know what he wanted to hear, so there was no way to reply. I couldn’t stay silent forever. It may be amusing now, but I was willing to bet it would be painful for me when his patience wore out. “I-no, Signore, forgive me. I-” I decided to be honest. “I’m not sure what to say, so I stay quiet.”

He nodded, then gestured back to my armchair. “Be seated, Isabella.” 

I stared at the chair for a moment before sitting so stiffly on the edge, I was almost perching. Aro, glided into the chair across from me, crossing one leg over the other at the ankle, a portrait of ease. I wanted to vanish into the floor. 

_ Stop staring at me! _

“You stood in the back during court today.”

I nodded. “Yes Signore.” 

I thought that was where I was supposed to be. Out of the way in case something happened, that way I wasn’t in the crossfire or an impediment, since I couldn’t fight and my gift was useless. 

“I noticed that you were not paying attention.”

_ How? How did he notice?!  _

I shifted before I could stop myself. “Forgive me, Signore.” 

He waved a hand dismissively. “It was nothing important. Just ridiculous disputes over territory. I am curious, however, what occupied your mind so thoroughly? You seemed quite lost in thought.” 

I didn’t know how my stupid counting exercise would be taken. “I’m feeling...useless, I guess,”  I stroked the binding of  _ Jane Eyre _ delicately with one finger. “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing.” 

I heard him shift, but kept my eyes on the book. What made me say that? Did it sound like I was complaining? But I really didn’t know! Why was I here? It was better to ask, than wonder, right? 

It was exhausting. My vampire mind never stopped, I couldn’t switch off and sleep the way I used to stop my anxiety. I was constantly alone with my thoughts. It was hellish. 

He wasn’t saying anything. Was that a bad sign? Was he angry? I wouldn’t look at him. I couldn't.

“I just, my gift didn’t work. And now I don’t know why I’m here. I just feel….like I’m a waste of your time?”

“Ah.” I looked up, his voice sounded much more satisfied, as though he’d just figured out a puzzle. His eyes, even backlit by the moon, glowed in the darkness. He always looked demonic. I wanted to shiver.  “Do you feel that you have disappointed me, Isabella?”   


Mute, I nodded. How could I be anything but a disappointment? I just….please give me something to do. I can’t wander around the castle for a century, waiting to be put out of my misery. Just get it over with. 

He chuckled, the gentle look replaced by a sneaky grin, like he was letting me in on a secret. “Jane used to wear a blindfold.” 

I blinked as he waited for me to absorb the bizarre information. “Why?”

Aro nodded. “She wasn’t always able to cause pain on command, it used to be the result of meeting her eyes. It took her nearly two-hundred years before she was able to control it.”

The image of Jane, in all her Volturi finery, having to wear a blindfold, was all at once funny and terrifying. 

He shrugged as though he were “Gifts manifest at different times,  _ bella cigna. _ Don’t worry so much.  _ Vires acquirit eundo.”  _

Instead of the stilted, technical pronunciation of Latin, he flowed, exchanging his Italian accent for something much older. He was speaking Latin, as though it were a language, and not just a tool. 

He was smiling at me, almost parental, waiting for me to respond to his comfort.

I never studied Latin, but I did excel at reading comprehension, in tests anyway.  _ Acquirit _ ….could that mean ‘acquire’? Acquire what? Was it an order? Did he want me to work on my gift again? 

I huffed a small, frustrated noise before I realized what I was doing. “I don’t understand Latin.” 

He chuckled. “Then perhaps you have ample opportunity to learn, now.” 

He stood and I scrambled to my feet as well, bowing again out of habit, flinching when Aro lifted my chin again. “Don't watch the floor, Isabella.” 

He glanced at the shelves surrounding us. “ _ Vires acquirit eundo _ is a quote from one of the books in my collection. Let me know when you’ve found it.” 

I tried to nod, but he still held my face. It was becoming a habit of his. “Yes  _ Signore. _ I’ll find it.  _ Vires acquirit eundo. _ ”

He chuckled and left the library as silent as he’d entered. 

I ran a hand through my hair and faced the shelves.

Hopefully, there wasn’t a time limit on his request, I didn’t even know where to begin. 

  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3-Circumspicio

A/N: Happy New Year everybody! Sorry for the long wait, but this chapter is pretty long! And be warned, Aro gets pretty dark here. I just...I don’t see him as a sweetheart. He’s awful and crazy and that’s what I like. So...yeah….poor Bella....

Chapter 3- Circumspicio/to search/ponder/consider

This was harder than I thought. 

And I was convinced it was nearly impossible. 

The Volturi library, which was apparently Aro’s collection, was twice the size of the library in  _ Beauty and the Beast _ . Books were stacked from floor to ceiling in heavy bookcases that weighed more than a car with no semblance of any discernible order. 

I figured out within the first day that it wasn’t alphabetical, or at least, no alphabet I knew. It wasn’t by year either. Not that I could tell, anyway. I recognized less than a quarter of the titles, and had read fewer than that. It hurt my pride a little bit, I thought I was better read, but the rest of me had to stop myself from making a stack to read later. 

I tried to find a system.

If it was Latin, it had to be one of the Classics. Right?

Or maybe not. 

Frustrated, I pulled books off the shelves, stacking them on one of the heavy wooden tables. Anything that looked remotely Latin. 

As a vampire, my eyes didn’t tire and neither did I. I poured over each book, looking for a particular phrase. 

_ Vires acquirit eundo.  _

It wasn’t in the Latin copy of the Bible. 

Was it a medical term? 

Was it from a poem? 

Ugh. I knew vampires couldn’t get headaches, but I still felt a phantom throbbing in my temples. I pushed away the book of poetry, and planted my head on the table with a dull thud. 

“ _ Vires acquirit eundo.” _

What I wouldn’t give for google right now, but I’d woken up as a vampire without my cell phone and I’d never brought up requesting another one. I wouldn’t even know how to begin to ask for anything. The idea was enough to curdle my empty stomach. Aro hadn’t cornered me for another chat since giving me this project. I wondered what this was supposed to be? What did he say? 

I shook my head once, hard then turned the page in the poetry book I was scanning. It had to be in one of these books. 

I hoped.

A few hours later, I was no closer. I groaned and closed another book, pressing my head against the wood of the table I was using as a desk. “This is hopeless.” 

I put down another volume, the stacks of completed books all taller than me, surrounding me like pillars of failure. Maybe I could just barricade myself in and hide. The last book in the ‘maybe’ stack was oxblood in color. ‘The Aeneid’ written in flaking gold lettering along the side. 

I rolled my head from side to side in a move that would have cracked my neck when I was human before opening the cover. I was careful about checking books for any dedications, just in case it was hiding there. So far, no luck. 

I scanned the pages, mouthing the words and rubbing my bare right index finger with my right thumb, I missed my ring, even if I couldn’t remember exactly what it looked like. 

“ _ Vires acquirit eundo. _ ” 

“Found it!” 

I shot to my feet, finger on the words. Book Four, line 175. I mumbled the location to myself trying to memorize it; with my luck, my vampire brain would fail me too. 

“You’re very good at that, you know.”

I muffled a sound somewhere between a startled swear and a gasp, staring at the tiny form of Renata who looked equally nervous to see me. The little vampire was barely the size of Alice with large, almond shaped eyes, and dark hair pulled back from her face. She was standing across from me next to the other chair, her tiny hand brushing over one of the many stacked books curiously. She gestured at her neck with her other hand. “Rolling your neck like that. And stretching. Breathing normally. You still even blink, did you know that?” 

“I do?” When did she get here? Fantastic, I was a completely defective vampire. I couldn’t even tell when someone was sneaking up on me. “When did you get here?”

She nodded and ignored my question. “It normally takes new vampires a lot longer to remember human mannerisms like that, and we only do that around humans. You are….bizarrely adept. If your eyes weren’t so bright, I would think you were a lot older.” 

I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t realize I was doing it that much. I just....did. “I, uh, I don’t know. I just, uh, I mean, should I stop?”

Her eyes widened. “Interesting, I’ve never seen that before.” She shrugged. “I don’t think I blinked for the first month or so after I woke up. Too much to see, but not even Heidi blinks more than once or twice an hour unless she’s out hunting for us.”

Now that she’d brought it up, I actively tried not to blink and felt silly. I kept waiting for the stinging behind my eyes to kick in, like when Jake and I had staring contests to decide who got the last can of coke in the cooler when our dads took us fishing, but it never did. I shook my head again. “I, uh, I should get back to….um, not that I don’t want to talk to you, but, uh, Master Aro, asked me to find something and-”

I wondered if I sounded as crazy as I thought I did when I rambled. Edward used to ignore it, just saying that he found my blush ‘charming’, but I couldn’t do that anymore. 

Renata blinked slowly. Now that I knew it was deliberate, I wondered if it were some kind of vampire expression, like rolling your eyes. Great, a whole new set of social cues to try and watch. I wasn’t even good at human ones. 

Tilting her head, she glanced at the volume in my hands, I raised it triumphantly. “I, uh, found it. So, I should probably go….tell him….um…”

“Of course, but perhaps after? I came to gather you for feeding.” 

_ “Feeding?”  _ My voice felt hoarse and dry, my throat burning at the thought of feeding while my stomach twisted a mix of hunger and disgust. I hated feeding, but Aro wouldn’t let me feed on animals. Part of learning to be a ‘real vampire’ was feeding like one, he insisted. 

It still felt unnecessarily cruel. 

“Right. I, uh, I guess I could leave….this...here…” Now that I’d found it, I was reluctant to put the book down. With my luck, it would disappear into thin air and I’d be back where I started. I set the leather bound volume with all the care of a bomb technician before joining Renata who’d glided towards the door. I wasn’t as clumsy as I used to be, but I was nowhere close to the innate grace of some of the rest of the guard. Renata’s smooth steps were difficult enough to emulate as I followed her down the hall. 

I could hear heartbeats as we closed in on the main chamber. Each individual person’s separate heartbeat rebounding off the stone, meshing with another’s until it was a rolling rumble, like the distant crashing of waves or an oncoming storm, punctuated by intermingling dialogue as the crowd filed into the chamber. 

“-believe it’s a real castle-”

“ _ Entschuldigung-” _

_ “- _ terribly sorry for bumping into you, the stones are uneven here-”

My throat burned and I felt my muscles start to tense, venom filled my mouth, pooling under my tongue and dripping off my teeth. I clamped my lips together and tried not to inhale. 

I hated this. 

I clenched my fingers in my cape, Renate turned to look at me at the tearing noise as my fingernails tore through the fabric, but said nothing, just lined up behind the door behind the thrones. The room had two entrances, the main entrance and what I guessed was the servants entrance. The door was smaller, but still larger than any modern door, but we all lined up behind it to file in to feed. Apparently, before I was a vampire (before I was even born) there were incidents with vampires waiting in the throne room for the visitors. That’s what they were called “visitors”. I thought it was a funny way to pronounce ‘victims’ though I’d never said that out loud. 

I unclenched my hands from my cap and wrapped them around my abdomen and closed my eyes. 

I didn’t want to do this.

I had no choice.

_ There’s always a choice. _

I don’t have one! He’ll kill me. 

_ Are you alive now? _

I wanted to shake my head, but didn’t just bit my lip as Aro began his welcome speech from the other side of the door.

“My friends!”

His voice rang out, bouncing off the walls in a joyous echo. To the poor unfortunates it probably sounded like the start to a show, like a bizarre Medieval Times, but where they paid to  _ be _ a feast instead. 

Again, a misplaced burble of hysterical giggling bubbled to my lips and I bit them harder. I couldn’t bleed, but I could bite through my lip if I wasn’t careful. 

“Welcome to Volterra!”

I heard the iron creak as the entrance door closed while the clack of Heidi’s high heels crossed the room. 

Worse than the heartbeats ringing in my ears.

Worse than the screams I knew would begin as the doors opened. 

It was the smells I couldn't stand.

Not just the blood, though that mingled in the air once it was spilled, but the smells of people. 

Perfumes, face powders. The fruity lip balms that reminded me of the burts bees chapstick in my mother’s purse. I could remember the brightly colored caps, but not the exact shape of the mouth wearing it. 

Coffee. I remember the same blue can as Charlie dumped grounds into an ancient percolator.  _ “Don’t know what you’re missing, kiddo. This is the real stuff. Cowboys drank it.”  _

I remembered the blues and greens in his flannel, the scars, and veins criss crossing his hand, the gruffness of his voice, but not his face.

Did he have a mustache or a beard? 

Sunscreen. I used to have to wear tons of it in Arizona, the sticky, almost chalky smell kept me from turning into a lobster in the Phoenix sun. 

And, most distressingly, milk. 

The door swung open soundlessly. 

We surged forward like a wave.

Flooding the stone chamber, I concentrated on inhaling.

The smell of blood drowning out the screams and washing away the memory of my parents.

Blood.

Blood.

I could smell tea, tobacco, and something sweet and bread-y as I latched on to a middle aged man who backed himself into a corner. His glasses clattered to the stone as his heartbeat stuttered. Shock attempting a mercy kill on his body. 

His hands dragged at my cape, trying to throw me off of him as I buried my face in his throat. The first arterial spray gushed into my mouth like a child covering the spout on a water fountain. I felt more than heard the crack of bone between my arms as his ribcage collapsed in my grip. He didn’t even have to scream, just a harsh groaning wheeze of pain and fear. 

I closed my eyes. The blood was sweet and so, so hot against my cold skin, like gulping soup without blowing on it first, but soothing rather than creating the burn in my throat. The beating of his heart was replaced by a buzzing in my ears. 

More.

I wanted more.

No, this had to be enough. 

I couldn’t help feeding, but I could take just the one. 

I bit harder, tearing loose a chunk of his flesh that I couldn’t swallow, but I didn’t want to pull free to spit it out. Instead I pushed it against one side of my cheek with my tongue like a repulsive, squishy throat lozenge. 

Finally, he ran dry. The well of blood receding to a bare trickle as I sucked to pull free the last few drops that tasted more like my own venom than anything. My teeth popped free like a suction cup and I spat the chunk of flesh onto the stone where it landed with a splat. Vampires could not truly become nauseous, but I wanted to throw up anyway. 

My victim didn’t resemble a person any more, but instead resembled the special effects of an alien movie where they find bodies after a chest buster earned its name. There was gore spattered on my clothes. I needed to wash before bloodlust surged and I ended up sucking on my shirt. Again. 

The man’s face was tilted back, his mouth wide open in a final scream. Instead of staring at me, his eyes were rolled back in his head like a shark. 

I’m sorry.

I mouthed the words, since Felix laughed at me for a week the one time he heard me apologize to my dinner. “I hope you’re apologizing for your terrible technique. We’re vampires, not zombies.”

I’m so, so sorry.

I stood, grateful my knees didn’t buckle flinched as Elliot nearly bowled me over to get to one of the stragglers, a sobbing young man whose blonde spikes sent a throbbing pain through my silent chest for some reason. 

I held my breath and bolted from the room. 

Eating was more of a formal entrance rather than a ceremony in and of itself. We could leave when we were finished. The last ones to finish were required to dispose of the bodies under the supervision of Caius. I raced down the hall, hoping to reach the showers. 

The barracks were thankfully empty. No one aise from the more elevated guards had personal effects. The rest of us wore unisex black shirts and pants organized by size. I fumbled with the drawer containing socks and underwear before racing to the group showers, hoping they were still empty. 

I set my clean clothes in a pile near the shower spout, but far enough away that it wouldn’t get too wet. Towels were stacked on shelves lining the entrance. 

It reminded me of a locker room, in a weird way. 

The water was only cold, but it didn’t matter. I couldn’t really feel it. It was just wet. 

I scrubbed at my face with my hands, just washing away the blood out of my hair and off my skin. 

It didn’t take long and I wrung the excess water out of my hair before snatching up my towel. 

I tore a hole pulling on my left sock, but I ignored it and finished dressing. Raking my wet hair back into a braid. 

I needed to find Aro, tell him that I found the quote. 

Anything to take my mind off what I’d just done. 

I stuffed my soiled clothes into a chute that led to an incinerator. There wasn’t a point to doing laundry. Blood didn’t wash out easily. Or maybe vampires just hated laundry. I never saw a Cullen do it either and Edward hated the sound of the dryer. He said it sounded like a spaceship taking off. 

No, stop thinking about him! 

You’re a monster. 

He wouldn’t take you back.

In addition to the throne room, each master had a separate ‘study’ where they conducted individual business. Whatever that meant. 

Aro’s was on the opposite side of the castle from the barracks. My footsteps felt obscenely loud on the stone floor, but Alec didn’t look up from his phone. 

I fought the urge to shuffle my feet or tug at the end of my braid. “Um?”

“Enter.”

Aro’s voice floated through the door and Alec tilted his head at me when I hesitated as if to say ‘Go on’. 

I turned the iron hand carefully and stepped inside with all the enthusiasm of being summoned to the principal’s office. 

Aro was sitting behind a large heavy desk, with a globe on one corner and a stack of papers in front of him. An inkwell held a Venetian glass pen, for some reason I thought he’d be using a quill. I’m not sure why. 

“Isabella!” Aro sounded thrilled to see me. “This is unexpected indeed. What brings you here?” 

He steepled his fingers again and I felt that strange urge to giggle. One of these days it would get the better of me and I’d finally snap and be killed. 

It would probably be a relief. 

“I, uh. Found it.” 

He raised an eyebrow. “Did you?”

I nodded. “Yeah, the Anne-eyed? It’s Book Four, line 175.  _ Vires acquirit eundo. _ ” 

He chuckled. “Very good Isabella. Thought that particular work is called the  _ Aeneid. _ ” 

“Ah-nee-id?” 

“Correct.” Aro rubbed his hands together and sat back in his chair. “ _ Vires acquirit eundo. _ It means “to gather strength as you go” roughly. In short, I am not worried about your control over your gift Isabella.” He chuckled gleefully. “On the contrary, in time, I feel you will be quite formidable.”

I didn’t know what to say. Part of me was hoping that was it. Or maybe he’d give me another quote to find, like a bizarre, literary version of I Spy to keep me from haunting the gardens. 

Aro stared me down, his gaze seeming to linger on my face in a way that made my skin itch. I wanted to rub at my arms to erase goosebumps that weren’t there. He looked..hungry almost. I wondered if I still smelled like blood. 

“I, uh, thank you?” It came out as more of a question. 

He smiled, flashing deadly white teeth. “You are very welcome, Isabella. Thank you for choosing to join us.” 

I flinched. I didn’t choose this. I would never choose this. He blackmailed me. He was going to kill Edward and Alice and Charlie and me. 

I didn’t, I mean, technically I said I would stay, but he said he was going to let me go. Right? Right? This was temporary. I wasn’t...one of them. 

I scrambled to think of something else to say, anything to keep the disgust and fear from my face, but a flicker in Aro’s dark maroon eyes made me think I was unsuccessful. 

No matter how charming he acted, I couldn't forget that he was a monster who wanted to add me to his collection. 

“I w-wouldn’t go that far.” I said slowly, then hastily continued as Aro blinked slowly. “I mean, I’m nowhere near that talented. I don’t deserve it!” 

I waved my hands in front of me in a human gesture, then wrapped them around my waist, animal instinct protecting my soft belly. Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut?

Aro said nothing to my outburst, just tilted his head to one side like a bird of prey. “Is that the only reason, Isabella? You don’t  _ deserve _ to serve us? To belong to me?”

My throat went dry. “I-I-”

He stood and I flinched back, but didn’t run. I felt like he would catch me. Or worse, have others catch me and tear me into pieces.

He stood in front of me, close enough that if I took too deep of an inhale, my chest would brush his. He wasn’t that much taller than me, an unhelpful portion of my brain noticed. If I stood on my tip toes I could look him in the eye. Not that I was going to. 

His long fingered hand rose to cup my chin, tilting my face up until we were eye to eye. I could see my panicked face reflected in his dark red iris. 

“I wonder, Isabella. Do you mean that you are unworthy or consider yourself too worthy to serve  _ monsters _ ?” 

I stood as still as I possibly could. I wanted to squeeze my eyes shut and couldn’t. Aro’s mouth was still curved in a smile, but it felt less warm than it had moments ago. My lips parted, probably to beg for mercy or scream, but he stopped, pressing his thumb to my open mouth. “Shh...it’s not your fault, Isabella. I’m well aware of what your  _ dear Edward _ told you.” His thumb rubbed against my lips. “Shall I tell you, Isabella, what the world looked like before my brothers and I? Vampires, roaming the world unchecked? Terrorizing humans, the Southern Wars, of the immortal  _ children?  _ Were it not for our intervention, the human race would be struggling to maintain the population.”

I flinched, but his grip tightened and I whimpered. I didn’t want to hear this. “We are the true peacekeepers, Isabella. And peace requires strength. Not pacifist Carlisle’s aberrant experiment where he pretends dulling his teeth on wildlife grants him moral superiority. It takes a monster to control monsters.”

His thumb never stopped rubbing as he talked, not enough to squish or move my lips, just barely brushing against them. His tongue slid out to wet his lips, or perhaps he was tasting the air. I’m sure it was thick with fear. I wished I was invisible rather than a shield. Or a teleporter. Or anywhere other than here.

He was going to kill me.

He was going to rip off my head and stuff me into the merrily crackling fireplace against the far wall. 

“I-I’m s-ss I’m sorry.” My voice shook so hard, I could barely form the words, and my stuttering tongue brushed the pad of Aro’s thumb. 

He made a low sound between his teeth that wasn’t quite a hiss and pressed him thum against my mouth harder to stop me from talking. “It is alright,  _ bella cigna. _ You are young and confused. I am not so ungenerous as to hold that against you. After all, I let Edward go despite his defiance, did I not?” 

I nodded as best I could in his grasp. 

Please let this be over. Please let this be over. 

“Instead, I offered you a chance for immortality. A chance to join us, to keep peace in the vampire world. To prevent other poor girls from being in your situation. I have been kind to you, yes?” 

Again, I nodded. He wasn’t wrong, but it didn’t feel right. That’s not how it happened. He _ threatened  _ me. He threatened Edward. He was going to kill us! It wasn’t an offer, it was an ultimatum! 

But I wasn’t about to say anything, I just nodded again.

Finally, Aro’s expression softened and he let go of my face, stepping back. My knees buckled. I didn’t know vampire knees  _ could _ buckle. 

Aro watched as I slipped to the rug before he tutted slightly before grasping my shoulders and pulling me to my feet, guiding me over to a set of two armchairs near the fireplace. 

Images of a mouth opened in a silent scream as flames consumed the pieces of a body. I dug my heels in, whimpering again. 

“Hush, come. Your hair is still wet. It’s not good for a young lady to go around with wet hair. Your clothes are damp.” 

Hearing him fuss, it was almost like I’d imagined the vampire from before. Aro was a bizarre mix of a doting grandfather, a despotic king, and a maniac. He took care to settle me before taking the seat across from mine. “Forgive me, Isabella, it was wrong of me to take out my ire on you. I just find myself frustrated that the boy misled you so sorely.” 

He tsked and brushed an invisible spec of lint from his slacks as he crossed his legs. I clenched my hands together hard enough to feel the bones grind together and stared at the floor between us.

“Come now, we were having a conversation just days ago, Isabella. Or are you saying that you won’t forgive me?”

“I forgive you!” The words nearly flew out of my mouth. I would say anything he wanted. Just  _ please _ , please let me leave. 

Aro ignored the panic in my voice. “ _ Grazie, bella cigna. _ Now, I wanted to tell you an idea I had after our previous conversation.” 

He leaned forward and I scrunched back in my chair, plastering myself against the seatback. I wanted to crawl under it. And then out of the room. And then out of the castle and into the ocean so I could crawl across the ocean floor back to Forks. 

“I sent Renata to meet you this afternoon and she has agreed to help you with your gift.”

“Huh?”

I could barely concentrate. My senses were on hyperdrive, absorbing the heat from the fire, the distance to the door, and analyzing his tone for any hint of growl or hiss. 

“Help you, dear one. You told me that you feel you are disappointing me due to your lack of control. Renata might be able to help you. Give you some more one on one training. You’ll meet with her tomorrow evening and every subsequent evening until you feel your gift is under your control. Then meet with me afterward to discuss your progress. Will that help you?” 

There was only one answer I could give. “Yes, t-thank you,  _ signore. _ ” 

“It’s  _ grazie _ , Isabella.  _ Grazie signore. _ ”

“ _ Grazie signore.” _

He stood and clapped his hands together. “ _ Molto bene. _ I’m so glad I could help. I do hate to see you struggle. Now, I’ve neglected my correspondence long enough. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow evening.”

I bolted toward the door, remembering only at the last minute to turn around and bow quickly. He chuckled and waved me off.

“ _ Buona notte, bella cigna.  _ And remember,  _ Vires acquirit eundo. _ Your strength will come. I promise.” 

I skittered out the door, not unlike a frightened mouse and didn’t stop running until I reached a far corner of the garden. I curled into a small ball, arms wrapped around my knees. I wanted to rock, but the motion would attract attention. 

I wished I could sleep, not for the first time. Anything to escape the sickening fear in my gut. 

I didn’t know how I was going to make it through another ninety-three years before I could leave. 

  
  
  



End file.
